The Music for Atomic Vaudeville

by brooke maxwell

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about

This is a compilation of some of the music I wrote for Victoria based theatre group, Atomic Vaudeville, from about 2007-2011.

Check out their site:
atomicvaudeville.wix.com/atomic-vaudeville

credits

released 20 January 2015

All music and lyrics written and performed by Brooke Maxwell.

But, always inspired by some amazing writers. Jacob Richmond, Alex Wlasenko, Andrew Bailey and probably more I missed.

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about

brooke maxwell Victoria, British Columbia

Brooke Maxwell is a Victoria-based freelance composer/musician/educator. Major composing credits include the acclaimed hit musical, Ride the Cyclone [Atomic Vaudeville/Alchemation], the English premiere of And Slowly Beauty [Belfry/NAC], the North American premiere of A Tender Thing [Belfry]. He would like to thank his parents for forcing him to stay in piano lessons. ... more

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Track Name: A Little Bit Gay
A Little Bit Gay

Everyone has a secret place in their heart,
Where their dreams can frolic and play!
They might dance with rainbows, or dream of the theatre,
or sing along with the YMCA...

Oh a taste for Judy Garland, or Celine Dion,
To love such things, is it so very wrong?

You may ask yourself one fateful day,
If this is how I feel, oh does that mean I'm gay?

And the answer is...
Yes, yes, I'm here to say,
Those kinky little thoughts you've been keeping at bay,
It's not the end of the world, but at the end of the day,
Every Dick and Jane is a little bit gay!
Ra da da da, da da da da, dah da!

Have you heard the news about the birds and the bees?
How 'bout those funky little monkeys, swingin' so high in the trees?
They've got all the scientists reaching out for their pens,
Because the latest statistics are more than just one in ten!
Oh, giraffes and dolphins, orangutans and bighorn sheep...
They do what they do! Don't care who! Ooo, they never sleep!

Yes, yes, I'm here to say
Those kinky little thoughts you've been keeping at bay,
It's not the end of the world, but at the end of the day,
Every Dick and Jane is a little bit gay!
Ra da da da, da da da da, dah da!

[Jokes]

From the wrestling match, to the fields of the football game...
Manly men, in tight clothing, but no, there's no reason for shame!
All that pushing and grunting, they sweat from t he first to the last.,
And then congratulate each other with a fabulous smack on the ass!
And the women dress for women, as they drool over fashion magazines,
Filled with half naked ladies, but it's neither rude, nor obscene!

Just please don't tell me it's not natures way,
if the birds and the bees are all gay!

Yes, yes, I'm here to say
Those kinky little thoughts you've been keeping at bay,
It's not the end of the world, but at the end of the day,
Every Dick and Jane is a little bit gay!
Ra da da da, da da da da, dah da!

And if you still don't believe that all cats are grey in the dark...
I sing, bi-bi baby!
Oh, bi-bi baby
Oh, bi-bi baby!
So long, farewell!
Yea.
Track Name: Beelzebub Beach Party
Beelzebub Beach Party

[claps]
Ahhh ahhh
Baa ba ba, baa ba ba, ba ba ba

Well it’s the Beelzebub beach party, come on down
Grab a bucket of blood, we’re gonna paint the town.
Alistair Crowley said, in a lesser known speech,
“This graveyard is boring, let’s hit the beach!”

Ooh shala lala, la la la
Ooh shala lala, la la la

Well it’s the Beelzebub beach party, tell your friends!
We’re gonna show the world, and how it all ends!
Well, you look so sweet and you seem real nice
Maybe you can be the human sacrifice.

Ooh shala lala, la la la
Ooh shala lala, la la la

Oh yeah we drink human blood, not a soul to save,
But the time is right for c-c-catching the wave
We’re real bad boys not sissy little Wikkens
We just like potato salad, and we love fried chicken

Ah… ah… ah.. ah….
THANK YOU SATAN AND KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!

Ooh shala lala, la la la
Ooh shala lala, la la la

We’ve got our pentagram and a real goat’s head!
We’re gonna summon up Satan, maybe summon the dead?!
We’re having lots of laughs in the summer sun,
But don’t you just hate it when your corpsepaint runs?

Ooh shala lala, la la la
Ooh shala lala, la la la
Ooh shala lala, la la la
Ooh shala lala, la la la
Track Name: Cute Attack
CUTE ATTACK

We’ve been watching you closely,
Mapping your soul.
Simply observing,
With intent to control.

And we’ve found your weakness,
Your Achilles heel.
[We know] what makes you tick,
And what makes you feel.

It’s simply kittens and puppies,
And innocent eyes.
Dripping with cuteness,
We’re not surprised.

It’s so clear what you need,
So clear what you lack.
Now the time is ripe,
for the Cute Attack!

bring it!

Cute a-ttack! [oh oh oh oh oh]
Cute a-ttack! [awwwwwwwh]
Cute a-ttack! [oh oh oh oh oh]
Cute a-ttack! [war scream!!]

Ich! Ni! San! Shi!

Squeaky little voices.
And great big eyes.
Helpless, little things,
Selling sweet lies.

Geckoes with cell phones,
Harmless baby seals,
Hello Kitty,
We’re making all the deals.

And the Baby Jesus?
He’s on our side.
Nothing cuter than babies,
[Such a pity he died.]

We can see what you need,
When the world goes black.
Oh the time is ripe,
for the Cute Attack!

Places!!

Cute a-ttack! [oh oh oh oh oh]
Cute a-ttack! [awwwwwwwh]
Cute a-ttack! [oh oh oh oh oh]
Cute a-ttack! [war scream!!]

We know how to move ya [clap!] / “cute at-tack”
We know how to move ya [clap!] / “cute at-tack”
We know how to move ya [clap!] / “cute at-tack”
We know how to move ya [clap!] / “cute at-tack”

awwwwwWWWWWW!
Track Name: I Like It Mild
I Like It Mild


Heatwaves and hailstorms, how boring.
Tsunamis and tornadoes...oh please.
I prefer my tempests in a teacup.
My wicked tastes are more... overcast,
'Round about 14 degrees! [evil laugh, hand rubbing etc.]

I like it mild, and mild it shall be!
Oh that must fill your heart with…trepidation!?
Yes, slightly cloudy, with a hint of sunshine, I decree!
And possibly a slight chance of… precipitation. [hands rub together…]

You wish for snow fall, a white Christmas?! Oh, you can dream!
I give you drizzle! Santa never reads your letters!
And summer sunshine? Blue skies and icecream? Ha ha ha!
Well, I'm the reason that you'll have to pack your sweaters!

Oh, you might expect that someone with my genius,
Would make thunderclouds and lightning fill the sky!
You'd think I'd show my rage with stormy weather?
But actually, I’m a pretty happy guy… seriously!!!
Meteorology is just kind of a…hobby for me…

I like it mild, and mild it shall be!
Oh that must fill your heart with…trepidation!?
When I feel wild, I just raise it one degree! Ha, ha ha!
But there’s always just a slight chance of… precipitation.

It's true, on a whim, I could totally ruin your summer vacation.
These powers are only limited by my...imagination!

Ha ha ha, I like it MILD!!
Track Name: The Baby Dance
The Baby Dance

[finger sucking 'pop' noise]

Oh, where do the little unbaptized babies go? [Down! Down! To Limbo-uh!]
The righteous unbelievers, with the pure, pure soul, ya? [Down! Down! To Limbo-uh!]
Well, they don't go to Heaven, they don't go to Hell-ya! [Down! Down! To Limbo-uh!]
You wonderin' what they do there? Well, I'm here to tell ya!
[Down! Down! To Limbo-uh! Down, down down!]

Well, they do the Baby Dance,
Like there's a poopy in their pants!
Shakin' round their booty,
And a throwin' up their hands.
All the way to China! All the way to France!
Everybody gonna do the Baby Dance!

Yes, this is the place where ol' Gandhi was sent-ya! [Down! Down! To Limbo-uh!]
Buddha and the boys from the Old Testament-ya! [Down! Down! To Limbo-uh!]
No, they don't sit around playin' harp and the lyre. [Down! Down! To Limbo-uh!]
Or wrestle with their demons, with their soul on fire...
[Down! Down! To Limbo-uh! Down, down down!]

Well, they do the Baby Dance,
Like there's a poopy in their pants! [wah wah wah]
Shakin' round their booty,
And a throwin' up their hands.
All the way to China! All the way to France!
Everybody gonna do the Baby Dance!

They do the Baby Dance,
Like there's a poopy in their pants!
Shakin' round their booty,
And a throwin' up their hands.
All the way to China! All the way to France!
Everybody gonna do the Baby Dance!
Track Name: The End of the Rainbow
The End of the Rainbow


Well I’ve found myself at the end of the rainbow
There ain’t no pot o’ gold, no fortune here,
I’ll gladly trade my four leaf clovers and my lucky charms,
For a good strong Irish whiskey, or another round of beer.
For a good strong Irish whiskey, or another round of beer!

My father was a drunkard, and his father before him.
My mother left before I was born, to carry on a life of sin.
My sister joined a soulband, my brothers on the dole,
I dreamed o’ bein’ a dancer, spent my lifetime diggin’ coal,
I dreamed o’ bein’ a dancer, I want out of this frickin’ hole. [Hey!]

Chorus

Well there were no snakes in Ireland, St. Patrick was a fraud.
And the Catholics and the Protestants have made a bloody mess of God.
And U2’s gotten preachy, and Enya make me wince.
And where’s Sinead O’Connor gone, since she sung that song by Prince?
It wasn’t even an Irish song, I guess nothing compares to Prince. [Hey!]

Chorus
For a good strong Irish whiskey, oh I'm drownin' in my tears.
Track Name: The Wind Cries Onan
The Wind Cries Onan

2 X drums
4 X ONAN chant [continues under A sections]
2 X harmony choir[ahh ahh ahh etc.]

When the night is cold
and you’re all alone,
And there’s nothing on TV…
Oh the wind cries, “Onan…” [oh the wind cries, “Onan…” ]
Oh the wind cries, “Onan…” [oh the wind cries, “Onan…” ]

Is it such a sin?
Is it such a mortal crime,
To let your hands roam free?
When the wind cries, “Onan…” [When the wind cries, “Onan…” ]
When the wind cries, “Onan…” [When the wind cries, “Onan…” ]

Do you doodle with your noodle?
Make a date with Rosy Palm?
Do you choke the rubber chicken? [whispered: chicken!]

Do you yank your doodle dandy?
Play a solo on the flute?
Do you spank the naughty monkey? [whispered: naughty monkey]

Damn right you do! [echo: damn right you do!]

When the bars close down
And your friends have all hooked up
Oh forlorn, you journey home…
And the wind cries, “Onan…” [And the wind cries, “Onan…” ]
And the wind cries, “Onan…” [And the wind cries, “Onan…” ]

Are we going blind?
Is it such disgrace?
To spend this precious time alone?
When the wind cries, “Onan…” [When the wind cries, “Onan…” ]
When the wind cries, “Onan…” [When the wind cries, “Onan…” ]

Do you rub your nubby nub?
Do you squeeze the juicy peach?
Do you tame the tuna taco? [whispered: taco]

Do you beat the flaming bush?
Do you ride the pink canoe?
Do you feed the bearded clam? [whispered: bearded clam]

Damn right you do! [damn right you do!]
Damn right you do! [damn right you do!]

Spoken: “And now, chant with us, that we might exit the stage with grace…”

Tickle me elmo
Tickle me elmo
Tickle me elmo
Tickle me elmo
And fade…
Track Name: This is the Night that the Freaks Come Out
This is the Night When the Freaks Come Out


This is the Night When the Freaks Come Out,
When the freaks come out, when the freaks come out! [clap clap]
This is the night when the freaks come out,
To share their tales of woe!

There's Hemo Hank, and Heartbreak Hanna,
Who found themselves a love that couldn't last.
And the Siamese twins, in love with the same man...
How's that story end? So glad you asked!

This is the Night When the Freaks Come Out,
When the freaks come out, when the freaks come out! [clap clap]
This is the night when the freaks come out,
To share their tales of woe!

The midget and the lady, with the beard upon her face,
Have a tragic, tragic of sapphic lust.
We can see you've taken interest in our freaky little lives,
Perhaps now you can see... you're one of us!?

Now Dance!!!
[dance break]

This is the Night When the Freaks Come Out,
When the freaks come out, when the freaks come out! [clap clap]
This is the night when the freaks come out,
To share their tale of woe...

How low can you go?
Track Name: Tofu
TOFU

Tofu...
I'm so sick of you!
Rice and beans, and leafy greens,
Oh, you just don't do…

There must be a place! There must be a way!
Beyond this ve-ge-tar-i-an café!

To feed my heart,
To feed my soul!


Spam.
Or a slice of ham.
Bologna and steak. Good ol' beefcake,
Or a rack of lamb...

Oh yes there's a place,
Of course there's a way!
Beyond this hippy dippy,
Malnutritioned,
Labor-unioned,
Communistic,
Ve-ge-tar-i-an café!

Come with me,
spoken: Can you really show me?
Yes, I'll show you…Come with me!
Track Name: What are You Doing on Nelly Furtado Day?
What Are You Doing on Nelly Furtado Day?

Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do?... [repeat throughout]

There's a very special time of year, [echo]
It's the first day of spring.
A celebration like no other!
And it makes the people sing!

What're you doin'...on Nelly Furtado Day?
What're you doin'...V-I-C-T-OR-I-A?
What're you doin'...on Nelly Furtado Day?
Everybody Britney dance! Whoo!

Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do? etc...

Has Christmas lost its meaning?
Oh, is Jesus out of date?
Well there's a little Portuguese girl,
Giving reason to celebrate!

Ah, our boring national anthem...
It's irritating and absurd!
Children really should be learning,
To sing, I'm like a bird!

I'm like a bird!!

Yeah! Let's all be birds! I mean, I could be a seagull, you could be a crow, or...
Ok, let's sing...

What're you doin'...on Nelly Furtado Day?
What're you doin'...V-I-C-T-OR-I-A?
What're you doin'...on Nelly Furtado Day?
Everybody Britney dance! Whoo!
Track Name: What's in a Weiner?
What's in a Weiner?

Hmmm? I wonder...?
Hmmm? I wonder...?
Hmmm? I wonder...?
Hmmmmmmm...?

What's in a weiner?!
What's in a weiner?!
What's in a weiner?!
What's in a weiner?!

HUMPH!
Track Name: Where the Smiles Are Always Free
Where The Smiles Are Always Free

I know there’s a place,
Where the golden sun is shining,
There’s a smile on every face.

I know there will come an Age,
When every color, every nation,
Will work for minimum wage.

And the place is here,
Wherever you are.
Be it Kazakhstan
Or Vancou-var

Yes the time is now,
How it could be…
Won’t you take me to the place Where The Smiles Are Always Free.

As Thomas Friedman said "No two countries that both had McDonald's have fought a war against each other since each got its McDonald's". May the Golden Arches of Peace lead us towards a new tomorrow! Those terrorists don’t know what they’re missing!

[...2,3,4!]
I know there’s a place,
Where the golden sun is shining,
There’s a smile on every face!

I know there will come an Age,
When every color, every nation,
Will work for minimum wage!

And the place is here,
Make love!
Wherever you are.
Make waste!
Be it Kazakhstan
Save the world!
Or Vancou-var
With a great taste!
Yes the time is now,
You deserve it!
How it could be…
Ooo, everyday!
Won’t you take me to the place Where The Smiles Are Always Free.
Won’t you take me to the place Where The Smiles Are Always Free.

There’s a small price to pay, but the smiles are always free!
Track Name: You Can't Stop the Riverdance
You Can’t Stop the Riverdance

Soul singer 1: When I’m feelin’ down at the bottom...
Soul singer 2: When I’m feelin’ stuck in my seat...
Soul singer 3: I find the other end of the rainbow, and start tappin’ my feet!

Soul singer 1: When I feel that downward sensation,
Soul singer 2: And everything is falling apart!
Soul singer 3: I just start moving my body, and feel the beat in my heart!

Chorus
You can’t stop the river dance! [Men: No! No! No! No!]
You can’t stop the river dance!
You can’t stop the river dance! [Men: No! No! No! No!]
You can’t stop the river dance!
Check it out!

[dance 1]

Soul singer 1.When I’m having doubts about fairies,
Soul singer 2.And ‘the bottle’ keeps calling my name!
Soul singer 3.And I can’t seem to see any rainbows, 'cause everyday is just the same...

Soul singer 1.My head just starts getting achy,
Soul singer 2.My jaw is sore from gritting my teeth
Soul singer 3.That’s when I think of Michael Flately, and the leprechauns dancing on the heath!

Chorus

[dance 2]

I got the pink hearts, yellow moons, and orange stars, and the gre-en clovers!
I got the pink hearts, yellow moons, and orange stars, and the gre-en clovers!
I got the pink hearts, yellow moons, and orange stars, and the gre-en clovers!
I got the pink hearts, yellow moons, and orange stars, and the gre-en clovers!

Chorus

[dance 3]
Track Name: Where the Smiles Are Always Freak
Where The Smiles Are Always Free

I know there’s a place,
Where the golden sun is shining,
There’s a smile on every face.

I know there will come an Age,
When every color, every nation,
Will work for minimum wage.

And the place is here,
Wherever you are.
Be it Kazakhstan
Or Vancou-var

Yes the time is now,
How it could be…
Won’t you take me to the place Where The Smiles Are Always Free.

As Thomas Friedman said "No two countries that both had McDonald's have fought a war against each other since each got its McDonald's". May the Golden Arches of Peace lead us towards a new tomorrow! Those terrorists don’t know what they’re missing!

[...2,3,4!]
I know there’s a place,
Where the golden sun is shining,
There’s a smile on every face!

I know there will come an Age,
When every color, every nation,
Will work for minimum wage!

And the place is here,
Make love!
Wherever you are.
Make waste!
Be it Kazakhstan
Save the world!
Or Vancou-var
With a great taste!
Yes the time is now,
You deserve it!
How it could be…
Ooo, everyday!
Won’t you take me to the place Where The Smiles Are Always Free.
Won’t you take me to the place Where The Smiles Are Always Free.

There’s a small price to pay, but the smiles are always free!